But She Is Married!
You come across this extremely fair, pretty, lean and tall woman, with lush black hair and eyes that sparkle. I am not setting beauty standards here, but she checks off everything in the stereotypical expectations of a woman who deserves a good life. So I was saying, here is a woman who is immensely aware of the power she has over the onlooker. On many a thing which money and power had no hold, her charm would win. She is proud of who she is, she knows her worth and is the epitome of the bohemian spirit that poets and writers would muse over. Her parents dote on her, and so do her friends and colleagues.
A wedding is arranged in the good old Indian way. She doesn’t really protest, just settles with the choice her parents have made for her. He can’t take his eyes off her… but she soon realizes he doesn’t appreciate anyone’s eyes on her. The good old guest called Suspicion begins to live rent free in the household, giving company to the illusions of alcohol and the violence that comes with it. A woman who could win the world now walks with the pinpricks of ugly stares from her man and the embarrassment of her neighbours who know about her plight. In a more free world, she could have walked out or chosen to be child-free. But now she is a mother, two times over. She has to shield her little sons from the blows of the world and those of the father. The world outside is moving fast, taking with itself everything she wanted from life. And she shelters her two precious ones close to her bosom, hoping to see light one day, that thin ray which would redeem all of them. But when will she actually be free in this circumstance, and get to live a fair life? Will she ever?
Which brings me to the question, can a married woman go back to her maternal home with ease? What if it was a demand for dowry, instead? Or if her husband was into something illegal or had no permanent source of income? A guy who lied about his education? A philanderer who spends money on other women? Or the plain simple fact that he did not turn out to be the person she married?
At times I look at some arranged marriages and wonder if things would have been different hadthe circumstances around the wedding been more flexible. So many what ifs — What if caste or religion had not bound the couple? What if the woman had a little more education? What if she had refused this match? What if she did not have a younger sibling waiting to marry? What if she had more wealth at her disposal? What if she had known him better before the wedding?
Makes me glad to think about modern families and how we are evolving. I do hope more women get to experience flexibility, from society and family alike. Upkeeping traditions is one thing, but suffering in its name could induce generations of trauma and dysfunctional families.
